1 00:00:03,180 --> 00:00:07,780 Are you sure, Bob? Frank, find me a cheeseburger van without a bag of 2 00:00:07,780 --> 00:00:12,040 defrosting on the roof, and I'll happily, I stress happily, rabbit punch 3 00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:13,040 in the testicles. 4 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:14,520 It's just a council inspector. 5 00:00:14,940 --> 00:00:17,220 Megan? Megan? Her name's Megan, Frank. 6 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,900 And she and I are about to embark on a glorified first date. 7 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,340 She's been wriggling on my hook for weeks. 8 00:00:23,780 --> 00:00:29,280 Today's the day I reel her in, remove the hook, and fry her up in breadcrumbs. 9 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:30,580 Oh, that sounds delicious. 10 00:00:37,750 --> 00:00:39,430 Hendo? What's Megan doing with him? 11 00:00:39,830 --> 00:00:40,830 Oh, dear, Bob. 12 00:00:41,130 --> 00:00:44,210 Looks like you'll need to pop those breadcrumbs back into your pocket. 13 00:00:52,270 --> 00:00:53,310 Good morning, Megan. 14 00:00:54,090 --> 00:00:56,370 Hendo, this is an horrific surprise. 15 00:00:56,870 --> 00:01:00,350 Mr. Henderson saw me at the bus stop and kindly offered me a list. Community 16 00:01:00,350 --> 00:01:01,350 service. 17 00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:05,670 Frank, please assist Megan in the inspection of our thriving local 18 00:01:05,850 --> 00:01:09,390 Thank you, Bob. Megan, prepare to be wowed. I'll certainly try. 19 00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:13,650 What's your game, Hendo? 20 00:01:13,870 --> 00:01:16,930 Just helping out the council in these troubled times. Bollocks. 21 00:01:17,150 --> 00:01:22,470 And if along the way, Megan, like so many before her, should be sent doolally 22 00:01:22,470 --> 00:01:24,210 the Jag, then so be it. 23 00:01:24,410 --> 00:01:29,180 Hendo. I'm entering the final phase of a scuff campaign. Don't get in my way. 24 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:30,820 It's out of my hands, Bob. 25 00:01:31,060 --> 00:01:32,060 It's the jag. 26 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:36,660 Leather fittings, walnut handbrake. The scuff lose their marbles. I'm warning 27 00:01:36,660 --> 00:01:37,499 you, Hendo. 28 00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:43,120 So help me God. And that concludes your tour. So I'm returning you to where I 29 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:43,899 found you. 30 00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:47,480 Megan, there's a restaurant in Canoosie that's been leaving the punters all 31 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:48,480 quite agog. 32 00:01:48,620 --> 00:01:50,380 What's she... Sounds lovely. Megan. 33 00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,810 Why don't I sweep you up there in the jag? 34 00:01:53,090 --> 00:01:56,350 I'd be delighted and enchanted. Megan, when I think of you, I smile. 35 00:01:56,650 --> 00:02:00,450 Megan, when I think of you, I genuinely fear self -combustion. Well, I'd better 36 00:02:00,450 --> 00:02:01,570 get out of the blast zone. 37 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:04,490 I'll warm up the jag. I'll warm up your face. 38 00:02:05,270 --> 00:02:07,670 Gentlemen, this is an official council visit. 39 00:02:08,009 --> 00:02:09,770 Please, restrain yourselves. 40 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:11,330 You're right, Megan. 41 00:02:11,990 --> 00:02:13,230 Hendo should be restrained. 42 00:02:13,710 --> 00:02:15,270 Francis, finish up. 43 00:02:15,530 --> 00:02:16,530 Thanks, Bob. 44 00:02:16,710 --> 00:02:17,710 You know what, folks? 45 00:02:18,060 --> 00:02:22,580 Some people think that a cheeseburger van's director of sauces only looks 46 00:02:22,580 --> 00:02:26,980 sauces. That is, please forgive me, cock talk. 47 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,820 But hey, come on now. 48 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:33,120 Sauces are important. Of course they are. You've got your ketchup, your 49 00:02:33,140 --> 00:02:37,400 your brown sauce, your light brown sauce. It's burger time. And what I like 50 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,900 call a gaggle. 51 00:02:39,340 --> 00:02:42,860 For God's sake. 52 00:02:43,460 --> 00:02:44,540 Call the police. 53 00:02:47,180 --> 00:02:50,120 So, Megan, it appears it's you and me for tea. 54 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:51,360 Oh. 55 00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:01,020 Number three. 56 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,040 Number three, step forward. 57 00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:08,560 Would you like him to see the line? 58 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,160 Why not? 59 00:03:10,740 --> 00:03:15,800 Number three, can you please say, Hendo, it's bunker time. 60 00:03:19,270 --> 00:03:20,810 Louder. Endo! 61 00:03:21,370 --> 00:03:22,370 Deeper. 62 00:03:23,950 --> 00:03:26,310 Endo, it's burger time. 63 00:03:27,010 --> 00:03:28,010 That's him. 64 00:03:31,410 --> 00:03:36,450 Well, looking at the evidence, I suspect the burgers were dislodged by a small 65 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:37,450 -scale disaster. 66 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:40,810 A wee quake or a highly localised teffu. 67 00:03:41,890 --> 00:03:46,090 Bob, as you know, after the cheeseburger wars, we adopted a hero -tolerance 68 00:03:46,090 --> 00:03:47,630 approach to all burger -related crime. 69 00:03:47,930 --> 00:03:48,779 Mm -hm. 70 00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:50,040 Let's be fast -tracked to court. 71 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:51,320 Uh -huh. 72 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:58,100 And as you know, I'm represented by Objection McNally. 73 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,240 I assume we are free to go. 74 00:04:08,180 --> 00:04:09,260 Objection McNally. 75 00:04:09,460 --> 00:04:10,840 A sight for sore eyes. 76 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,940 Ah. Hello, Bob. 77 00:04:14,269 --> 00:04:17,990 Objection. The feds have stuck me on top charges just as I'm entering the 78 00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:20,950 endgame of a scut project. I need you to call off the dogs. 79 00:04:21,410 --> 00:04:22,710 I'm finished. 80 00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:28,190 Finished? You're Objection McNally, the best lawyer in Broughty Ferry. I was. 81 00:04:30,210 --> 00:04:31,210 What's the charge? 82 00:04:31,690 --> 00:04:33,990 Aggravated assault with a bin bag of frozen burgers. 83 00:04:34,590 --> 00:04:37,390 Back in the cheeseburger wars, I'd do ten of them a day. 84 00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:41,670 I've forgotten more about frozen burger assaults than anyone I'll ever know. 85 00:04:42,090 --> 00:04:42,949 Come on, objection. 86 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:43,950 Bob needs you here. 87 00:04:45,090 --> 00:04:46,550 Shorted pieces, lads. 88 00:04:47,210 --> 00:04:49,210 I get up in the morning and drink rum in the shower. 89 00:04:49,510 --> 00:04:53,070 Nothing wrong with the occasional shower party. It's aftershocks on the bus. 90 00:04:53,330 --> 00:04:55,570 Oh, well, that's... And the boys tell him he'd kill a pigeon. 91 00:04:56,650 --> 00:04:59,310 Sorry? But then, you know what, Bob? 92 00:04:59,830 --> 00:05:01,010 Maybe this is what I need. 93 00:05:01,410 --> 00:05:02,410 Big case. 94 00:05:02,530 --> 00:05:03,570 Put me back on track. 95 00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:07,650 What was that thing about the pigeon? Yeah, we need to gather character 96 00:05:07,650 --> 00:05:08,970 witnesses. Talk tactics. 97 00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:12,250 Bob! I'll take this case. 98 00:05:12,930 --> 00:05:13,930 I'm ready. 99 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:18,570 No, uh, objection. 100 00:05:19,770 --> 00:05:21,250 No, you're not. 101 00:05:24,270 --> 00:05:27,910 I need you to give me every legal book ever written. 102 00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:29,250 I'll see what we have. 103 00:05:30,350 --> 00:05:33,690 I really don't think this is a good idea, but... Oh, it's perfect, Frank, 104 00:05:33,850 --> 00:05:39,790 perfect! Me in court defending myself, wowing the jury, reducing Megan's knees 105 00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:40,699 to body. 106 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:44,440 I just think a certain amount of legal knowledge would appear vital. Oh, Frank, 107 00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:46,120 being a lawyer is 1 % knowledge. 108 00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:47,820 99 % showmanship. 109 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:52,460 Same as gymnasts and bin men. And I've got showmanship by the bucket pool. 110 00:05:52,740 --> 00:05:55,300 And now I'm going to have the knowledge. 111 00:05:58,240 --> 00:05:59,360 Have you got anything smaller? 112 00:05:59,820 --> 00:06:00,820 No. 113 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:02,840 Eddie, thank you. Ah, nearly. 114 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,420 Ah, sorry, where are my manners? 115 00:06:06,380 --> 00:06:09,320 This is my swimming instructor and girlfriend, Dorothy. 116 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:10,640 Hiya. Hi. 117 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,040 You don't need to do that with everyone, Frank. 118 00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:20,380 You only got that out last 119 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,160 week. All finished. 120 00:06:23,740 --> 00:06:25,540 Don't smile like that, Frank. 121 00:06:25,780 --> 00:06:26,780 It's disgusting. 122 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:28,080 Sorry, Bob. 123 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,860 This must be hard for you. 124 00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:37,280 Not hard. 125 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,920 Illegal. I'm a witness in your case. 126 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:41,520 They had to do it, didn't they? 127 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,940 They had to try and keep us apart. 128 00:06:44,540 --> 00:06:46,040 Bob, we're not together. 129 00:06:46,620 --> 00:06:51,140 Megan, with regards to this much whispered about Dilla... Absolutely not. 130 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,300 Can you imagine what prison would be like for a man of my looks? 131 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:59,080 I'd be a target for both genuine homosexuals and those who have 132 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,840 converted to the homosexual faith for the duration of their stay. 133 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,620 You've obviously given that bit of thought. Very briefly. 134 00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:09,610 My point is that I've re -emerged as a desperately confused individual, so 135 00:07:09,610 --> 00:07:12,330 get this dinner in while I'm still compass -mended. No, Bob. 136 00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:18,570 No more contact until after your trial. So, that's a yes to the dinner after the 137 00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:20,290 trial? I never mentioned dinner. 138 00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:23,990 You're into that, eh? Look, if you're found entirely innocent, which seems 139 00:07:23,990 --> 00:07:26,290 highly unlikely, then OK, one dinner. 140 00:07:26,810 --> 00:07:27,810 Deal. 141 00:07:30,790 --> 00:07:31,790 Unbelievable. 142 00:07:41,180 --> 00:07:43,380 Bob, may I ask if you're ready? 143 00:07:44,260 --> 00:07:45,780 To a ludicrous degree. 144 00:07:45,980 --> 00:07:47,600 Have you read the book? 145 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:48,880 The book? 146 00:07:49,060 --> 00:07:51,140 Oh, no, no, no, that didn't grab me at all. 147 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:58,140 What I have done over the last couple of days is dedicate many, many, 148 00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:04,560 many hours to establishing a court style. 149 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:09,080 Well, perhaps if just some of those hours had been spent with the book... 150 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:21,750 Court style. 151 00:08:25,210 --> 00:08:31,450 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you are here to preside over a case of 152 00:08:31,450 --> 00:08:32,490 aggravated assault. 153 00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:36,370 Today, the accused will appear in his own defense. 154 00:08:37,409 --> 00:08:41,450 The case will open with the Crown's evidence, and when you hear the 155 00:08:41,710 --> 00:08:44,790 you should... Relax and enjoy yourselves. 156 00:08:45,830 --> 00:08:48,030 Pay close attention. 157 00:08:50,810 --> 00:08:55,430 My lady, my first witness is the victim, Mr Henderson. 158 00:08:56,070 --> 00:08:57,710 Here we go. Thanks very much. 159 00:08:59,890 --> 00:09:04,390 I'm not sure where I go. I got a wee bit disorientated, you see. Is that it? 160 00:09:05,850 --> 00:09:07,910 Maybe give me a... With bells on. 161 00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:09,750 Walk that. 162 00:09:10,610 --> 00:09:11,610 That's it. 163 00:09:11,630 --> 00:09:12,630 Thank you, thank you. 164 00:09:13,990 --> 00:09:14,990 Thanks. 165 00:09:15,550 --> 00:09:16,970 You're a... You're a diamond. 166 00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:21,420 Mr Henderson, thank you for attending today in your clearly impaired 167 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,620 I'll accept two banjo dardens to take a maniac off the streets. 168 00:09:26,180 --> 00:09:31,020 Please describe the events of last week outside the... Sorry, I presume this is 169 00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:32,020 a typo. 170 00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:34,000 Water, burger, disco? 171 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:41,940 Yes, well, I was out driving my Jag, or, as I often say, the Jag was driving me. 172 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:44,600 Oh, is that a joke? 173 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:49,320 When I noticed the female acquaintance at the bus stop, I offered her a smooth 174 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:56,020 ride to what I presumed was a scrapyard, but was actually a highly dilapidated 175 00:09:56,020 --> 00:09:57,080 cheeseburger van. 176 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:02,880 It was manned by a wee guy with glasses and a shifty, out -of -shape gentleman 177 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,120 who seemed nervous in the presence of women. 178 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,500 Objection. On what basis? Slander. No, carry on. 179 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,500 And do you see there's men here today? 180 00:10:10,940 --> 00:10:11,940 I do. 181 00:10:12,580 --> 00:10:13,580 That's them. 182 00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:15,380 Please continue. 183 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:19,840 Well, then, Mr. Servant climbed on the roof of the van and chucked a bin bag of 184 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:20,860 frozen burgers on me. 185 00:10:21,860 --> 00:10:27,480 I suffered mind -numbing pain. Well, Mr. Servant produced a somewhat womanly 186 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:28,940 laugh. Objection. No. 187 00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:31,160 No further questions. 188 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,000 Mr. Servant. 189 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:49,120 You know, folks, where I come from, we play a game called catch. 190 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,800 You start when you're wee and you never stop. 191 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:58,160 Swing by Safeways any Tuesday and you'll find myself and others, oh, many of 192 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:01,720 them strangers, happily playing catch in the vegetable section. 193 00:11:02,180 --> 00:11:09,080 And when I lose, as I sometimes do, I don't call the police, dress up 194 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:10,340 like an Egyptian mummy. 195 00:11:10,730 --> 00:11:13,650 to get a good man into trouble. I'd just go back to Safeways the following 196 00:11:13,650 --> 00:11:15,490 Tuesday and start again. 197 00:11:15,770 --> 00:11:19,230 Mr Servant, are you slowly working your way round to a point? 198 00:11:19,650 --> 00:11:20,810 My point is this. 199 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:27,950 I don't know how the burgers fell on your head, Hendel, but it seems clear 200 00:11:27,950 --> 00:11:33,050 you embarked on a high -stakes game of catch. 201 00:11:34,970 --> 00:11:35,970 Sometimes you win. 202 00:11:37,510 --> 00:11:38,530 Sometimes you lose. 203 00:11:40,010 --> 00:11:41,270 These are the rules of catch. 204 00:11:42,590 --> 00:11:49,450 And these, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, are the rules of life. 205 00:11:53,270 --> 00:11:57,290 Mr Henderson was struck by the bag, then Mr Servant returned. 206 00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:00,290 And did you see Mr Servant drop the bag? 207 00:12:00,690 --> 00:12:02,470 I didn't. In terms of probability. 208 00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:03,710 Oi! 209 00:12:03,740 --> 00:12:06,160 She said her piece. Stop badgering her. Mr. 210 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,420 Servant, firstly, you will address the advocate with respect. 211 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,880 Secondly, your objection is upheld. You're leading the witness. 212 00:12:14,660 --> 00:12:16,140 I think we've heard more than enough. 213 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:17,880 No further questions? 214 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:27,960 Your hair. 215 00:12:28,860 --> 00:12:32,280 Dare I say, timidly? Mr. 216 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,560 Servant. 217 00:12:33,930 --> 00:12:35,050 Bear with me, Scuffer. 218 00:12:36,850 --> 00:12:43,190 Megan, I have here the evening menu for the money -free threshold that we've 219 00:12:43,190 --> 00:12:44,250 been going round houses on. 220 00:12:44,570 --> 00:12:45,570 Of course you do. 221 00:12:46,590 --> 00:12:47,590 Exhibit A. 222 00:12:48,090 --> 00:12:49,090 Francis. 223 00:12:51,950 --> 00:12:54,670 Now, let's see. 224 00:12:56,270 --> 00:12:57,270 Oh. 225 00:12:58,250 --> 00:12:59,390 Oh, look at this. 226 00:12:59,990 --> 00:13:02,590 Supreme of chicken with mushroom sauce. 227 00:13:03,310 --> 00:13:04,310 $12 .95. 228 00:13:05,350 --> 00:13:06,350 Not bad. 229 00:13:07,170 --> 00:13:08,450 Not bad at all. 230 00:13:08,690 --> 00:13:13,270 My lady, couldn't Mr. Thurman continue his questioning off -menu? 231 00:13:13,850 --> 00:13:16,930 I have no questions for this fine lady. 232 00:13:17,650 --> 00:13:21,110 Because as you've just heard, she saw nothing. 233 00:13:25,170 --> 00:13:31,890 So, I release you to go home, get your girlfriends over and... 234 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:37,780 Help choose a frock for the restaurant and, no doubt, tell a few lewd jokes 235 00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:40,660 about the size of my... You know what. 236 00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:43,280 This is anus. 237 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,340 I am the medical director of Broughty Ferry. 238 00:13:50,660 --> 00:13:54,700 During the cheeseburger wars, we dealt with up to 20 cheeseburger -related 239 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:55,860 injuries a day. 240 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:57,620 So you studied the case? 241 00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:58,840 Yes. 242 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:04,480 Mr. Henderson shows signs of a classic cheeseburger assault, frozen, from 243 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:05,760 at high speed. 244 00:14:07,060 --> 00:14:08,240 No more questions. 245 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,460 All right, Doc. 246 00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:18,000 Bob. So, you're an impartial witness. 247 00:14:18,420 --> 00:14:19,420 That's correct, Bob. 248 00:14:19,580 --> 00:14:20,620 Uh -huh, uh -huh. 249 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:25,380 In 1982, you and I met two sisters at the bowling club disco. 250 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:27,820 One was at the top drawer. 251 00:14:28,490 --> 00:14:35,290 The other emerged from a somewhat lower drawer and walked with a 252 00:14:35,290 --> 00:14:36,290 pronounced limp. 253 00:14:36,590 --> 00:14:42,110 Now, I'm not going to say who bagged which sister, but your walk home that 254 00:14:42,110 --> 00:14:46,550 must have taken many, many hours. 255 00:14:47,130 --> 00:14:48,029 Is this relevant? 256 00:14:48,030 --> 00:14:53,130 My lady! It's open to the defence to seek to determine whether there is 257 00:14:53,130 --> 00:14:54,770 bias on behalf of the witness. 258 00:14:55,110 --> 00:14:56,110 You said it, boss. 259 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:57,860 No more questions. 260 00:14:58,660 --> 00:15:02,460 Bob, may I say, you are performing superbly. 261 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:06,200 At this rate, Frank, we'll be home by lunchtime. 262 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:08,700 Mr Servant, please take the stand. 263 00:15:09,020 --> 00:15:14,460 I hope they've tied the roof down, folks, because I might just tack it off. 264 00:15:17,620 --> 00:15:19,980 How would you describe yourself, Mr Servant? 265 00:15:20,740 --> 00:15:23,840 Oh, just a wee lad, February 30. 266 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:25,160 I got lucky. 267 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:26,680 I meant professionally. 268 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,160 Cheeseburger Svengali. 269 00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:30,780 And what made you throw the burgers onto Mr Henderson? 270 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:35,380 Well, during the cheeseburger wars, I fought what is known as a guerrilla 271 00:15:35,380 --> 00:15:38,660 campaign, which often involved the use of the quadruple bluff. 272 00:15:38,940 --> 00:15:39,940 You won't get me that easy. 273 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:41,079 Fine. 274 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,640 Did you throw the burgers? No. 275 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:43,960 Who did? No idea. 276 00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:45,300 That's your evidence. 277 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:47,740 I think the roof's intact. 278 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:50,840 Not all witnesses come with storytelling ability. 279 00:15:51,420 --> 00:15:55,020 Crafting a story, the twists and turns, it's a rare talent and... 280 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,380 Clearly one that Mr Servant sadly lacks. 281 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:02,700 There was another man on the roof of the van. 282 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:06,720 You're aware that you are contradicting your police statement. 283 00:16:08,820 --> 00:16:10,060 That's the twist. 284 00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:13,200 And who was this other man? 285 00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:15,620 Sid. Sid? Sid. 286 00:16:16,220 --> 00:16:18,260 Tell me more about Sid. 287 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,520 I only met him last week. How? 288 00:16:21,950 --> 00:16:25,990 I was coming home from Stupot's bar when Sid approached me in an alleyway and 289 00:16:25,990 --> 00:16:30,710 said he'd had great things about the Whataburger disco and asked for a job. 290 00:16:30,710 --> 00:16:32,230 can you describe Sid? 291 00:16:32,490 --> 00:16:33,490 Not really. 292 00:16:33,790 --> 00:16:34,790 Average body. 293 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:36,330 I never really saw his face. 294 00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:37,590 You never saw his face? 295 00:16:37,690 --> 00:16:44,170 Well, the thing is that Sid, for whatever reason, goes through life 296 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:47,430 entirely covered in mud. 297 00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:49,870 Apart from his eyes. 298 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:52,280 And his miss. 299 00:16:53,020 --> 00:16:54,880 Okay, Mr. Servant, let me just get this straight. 300 00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:59,480 On the way home from a public house, you met a complete stranger in an alley who 301 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,340 was comprehensively covered in mud. 302 00:17:01,740 --> 00:17:03,600 And your reaction was to give him a job? 303 00:17:05,099 --> 00:17:06,099 Correct. 304 00:17:06,339 --> 00:17:08,300 Why? I believe in miracles. 305 00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:10,560 You didn't find his behaviour odd? 306 00:17:10,839 --> 00:17:12,260 I thought that was just said. 307 00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:17,410 Being said. So, your defence today has shifted spectacularly to the assertion 308 00:17:17,410 --> 00:17:21,890 that the bag of frozen burgers was thrown from the roof of the van by a 309 00:17:21,890 --> 00:17:25,170 -covered man called Sid, who no one else happened to see. 310 00:17:25,990 --> 00:17:28,650 Er, well, hang on a minute. 311 00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:32,130 Let's go back. Sid was on the roof with you. One of you threw the burgers. 312 00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:33,410 Who was it? 313 00:17:36,090 --> 00:17:37,090 Sid. 314 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:40,530 My lady, that closes the Crown's case. 315 00:17:46,079 --> 00:17:52,700 Ob, I beg you to forgive my language, but what in God's name was that 316 00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:54,400 shite about Fred? 317 00:17:55,120 --> 00:18:00,380 I felt like I was on the moon looking down in the courtroom and thinking, why 318 00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:03,860 does that moron not stop talking? 319 00:18:04,540 --> 00:18:10,000 And the moron, Frank, the moron was me. 320 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:18,580 I say that I'm a great fan of your stories, Bob, but Sid, as a character, 321 00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:19,600 didn't feel believable. 322 00:18:20,940 --> 00:18:22,300 I'm in trouble, Frank. 323 00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,700 I'm in an enormous amount of trouble. 324 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:33,820 Bob, although I have the utmost confidence in your legal skills, I 325 00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:39,280 took it upon myself, just as a wee precaution, to tell objection to get 326 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:40,280 character witnesses. 327 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:42,960 No, Frank. 328 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,900 I've got a better plan. 329 00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,500 A biscuit for the tom -tom? 330 00:19:10,060 --> 00:19:11,240 We can't talk. 331 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:12,560 Shh. 332 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:18,480 Bob and I were thinking that if there are this nonsense, you could do with a 333 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:19,480 break. 334 00:19:19,860 --> 00:19:22,260 How would you like us to send you on a... 335 00:19:22,260 --> 00:19:28,680 ..off -peak, self 336 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,760 -catering mini -break in a static caravan in Port Laughery? 337 00:19:33,140 --> 00:19:34,300 I suggest you leave. 338 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:39,200 I suggest you think about the sun in your face and the wind. 339 00:19:42,350 --> 00:19:47,410 In your hair, nothing's this freedom like a static caravan. 340 00:19:58,150 --> 00:20:01,830 That stuff I once said was a bit... Ridiculous. ...ahead of its time. 341 00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:05,250 Bob, just plead guilty. You'd probably get community service. 342 00:20:05,490 --> 00:20:06,490 Oh, Megan. 343 00:20:06,590 --> 00:20:09,750 You're not the sort of woman to be sitting down to your tea with a 344 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,530 criminal. It's not about me, Bob. 345 00:20:11,730 --> 00:20:12,970 I respectfully disagree. 346 00:20:16,610 --> 00:20:17,610 Call objection. 347 00:20:22,350 --> 00:20:25,710 Mr Servant, I invite you to present the case for the defence. 348 00:20:27,210 --> 00:20:28,210 Do you have a defence? 349 00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:30,850 Turn down. 350 00:20:35,530 --> 00:20:40,290 It's this man they call Bob Seven. 351 00:20:42,190 --> 00:20:43,190 Man's man. 352 00:20:44,050 --> 00:20:45,050 Rogues charm. 353 00:20:45,790 --> 00:20:48,990 The kind of guy you wouldn't mind sitting next to in the bus. 354 00:20:49,690 --> 00:20:52,170 In fact, you'd be delighted. Correct. 355 00:20:53,230 --> 00:20:59,670 Now, Mr McNally, you spent yesterday scouring Broughty Ferry, collecting 356 00:20:59,670 --> 00:21:01,710 of character witnesses on my behalf. 357 00:21:02,270 --> 00:21:03,590 That was the plan. 358 00:21:04,870 --> 00:21:10,310 Unfortunately, I was sidetracked by an intriguing offer on dark rum in 359 00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:15,370 bar. However, I did meet a fascinating man in a red jumper. 360 00:21:15,810 --> 00:21:16,810 And? 361 00:21:17,030 --> 00:21:22,670 Well, he didn't know you, Bob, but he did like rum. 362 00:21:23,170 --> 00:21:26,050 So once me and him sort of fell into sync, 363 00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,550 things got a wee bit out of hand. 364 00:21:28,990 --> 00:21:33,070 I think we're straying a wee bit from the point. We had a few cans on the 365 00:21:34,030 --> 00:21:38,450 Then we were running through the park, just laughing, really. 366 00:21:39,150 --> 00:21:44,910 And then he had to go to work. Oh, and then things got really bad after that, 367 00:21:44,930 --> 00:21:49,650 Bob. I remember being chased by a white -haired woman with a grudge. 368 00:21:49,890 --> 00:21:55,350 And then a cyclist gave me absolute pelter. Mr Servant, this case is 369 00:21:55,350 --> 00:21:58,410 the air of a farce. I couldn't agree more. 370 00:21:58,770 --> 00:22:01,190 And then the next thing you know, I was in the bath. 371 00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:04,480 And I'm thinking, well, thank God that's over, you know? 372 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:08,420 And then I remembered, Bob, I don't have a bath. 373 00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:11,020 Stop talking, Objection. 374 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,620 Just stop talking. 375 00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:23,820 My lady, we have no questions for Mr McNally, and note our surprise that the 376 00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:26,560 defence doesn't have another witness listed. 377 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:31,100 We were hoping to hear from someone else who'd met the mysterious... 378 00:22:31,660 --> 00:22:32,660 Sid. 379 00:22:33,260 --> 00:22:37,620 Mr. Servant, are we to assume you've concluded your defence? 380 00:22:38,020 --> 00:22:39,020 No. 381 00:22:39,580 --> 00:22:45,060 I have a new witness who will tongue this whole fraggle on its head. 382 00:22:46,340 --> 00:22:49,040 No way, Bob. No way, Jose. 383 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,390 Frank, if I get banged up... Then the Whataburger disco goes bust. I'm credit 384 00:22:53,390 --> 00:22:55,650 crunched. It's back. We're up to see Frank. We'll take the van. 385 00:22:55,870 --> 00:22:58,970 That's the first thing we'll take. Bob, I can't. And then Megan will head for 386 00:22:58,970 --> 00:23:01,890 the house. It's all right for you with your girlfriend and your kamasutra. It's 387 00:23:01,890 --> 00:23:02,890 perjury, Bob. 388 00:23:03,230 --> 00:23:05,810 I'm no legal eagle, but I know that's heavily frowned upon. 389 00:23:06,850 --> 00:23:07,829 What's going on? 390 00:23:07,830 --> 00:23:10,130 Nothing. Bob wants me to say I saw the third guy. 391 00:23:10,410 --> 00:23:14,230 That's perjury. Oh, so everyone's a perjury expert now. Don't even think 392 00:23:14,230 --> 00:23:15,710 it. What's wrong with you? 393 00:23:16,130 --> 00:23:17,430 Frank, listen to your boss. 394 00:23:17,690 --> 00:23:18,609 No, Frank. 395 00:23:18,610 --> 00:23:19,870 Listen to your fiancée. 396 00:23:24,170 --> 00:23:25,170 You're what? 397 00:23:26,390 --> 00:23:30,530 My lady, I object to this late addition. I'll allow it in the faint hope of 398 00:23:30,530 --> 00:23:32,490 speeding up this case. You may proceed. 399 00:23:35,370 --> 00:23:39,010 So, I believe you're newly engaged. 400 00:23:40,130 --> 00:23:41,130 Yes. 401 00:23:42,370 --> 00:23:47,430 To my swimming instructor and fiancée, Dorothy. 402 00:23:49,790 --> 00:23:52,930 Were you planning on telling your best pal? Mr. Servant. 403 00:23:53,310 --> 00:23:56,710 I don't know what's going on here, and I can't stress enough how much I don't 404 00:23:56,710 --> 00:24:00,590 want to, but do we have a chance, however slim, of a relevant question? 405 00:24:00,910 --> 00:24:03,070 Yes, Captain, we do. 406 00:24:04,870 --> 00:24:10,530 Francis, when you were on the pier that fateful day, 407 00:24:10,750 --> 00:24:17,070 did you happen to see a man called Sint drop a bag of burders 408 00:24:17,070 --> 00:24:19,630 on Mr Henderson? 409 00:24:23,379 --> 00:24:27,860 Well, I... My lady, the police interview is very clear. 410 00:24:28,060 --> 00:24:30,060 The witness will answer. 411 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:40,520 I think... I think that at the 412 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:47,320 end of the day, when all's said and done, that I 413 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,200 might have... No. 414 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:52,080 No, Frank. 415 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:55,280 You did not see Sid. 416 00:24:56,220 --> 00:24:58,760 But it was nice of you to think that maybe you did. 417 00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:06,540 In summary, you have a simple choice. 418 00:25:07,620 --> 00:25:10,460 Do you think Mr. Servant dropped the frozen burgers? 419 00:25:11,340 --> 00:25:15,060 Or do you think they were dropped by... Sid? 420 00:25:16,180 --> 00:25:18,260 That is not a good sign. 421 00:25:19,220 --> 00:25:20,220 My lady. 422 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:21,880 The prosecution rests. 423 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,980 You know, we have a saying in Broy Ferry. 424 00:25:37,060 --> 00:25:43,640 When someone has a huge success or a lovely experience, they say they've had 425 00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:45,540 a Bob Servant moment. 426 00:25:45,820 --> 00:25:48,460 Absolutely nonsense. No, it's so nonsense. We do. 427 00:25:48,700 --> 00:25:49,499 No, we don't. 428 00:25:49,500 --> 00:25:50,379 We do. 429 00:25:50,380 --> 00:25:51,380 No, we don't. We do. 430 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,180 No, we do not. We absolutely do. 431 00:25:54,880 --> 00:26:00,740 That is it, Mr. President. I rang the jury in your closing remarks. Okay, 432 00:26:00,820 --> 00:26:03,040 okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. 433 00:26:03,540 --> 00:26:04,540 Okay. 434 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:14,680 Ladies and gentlemen, I, Bob Shepard, give up. 435 00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:17,900 They've got me. 436 00:26:18,300 --> 00:26:20,180 I'm going to the big house with the bars on the windows. 437 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:22,920 Banned up with the baddies.